Mafia Gazette Past Issue 44
Wednesday 19th October 'CLOSE CALL FOR CHIDO FAMILY ' Yesterday evening at 5:13PM, in an unprovoked attack, Furio-Giunta, member of the Chido Family was shot shortly after leaving his Chicago hotel. He had been sequestered there with work for the previous two days and the attack took place within moments of him stepping out for the first time. It is known that a few days prior to the shooting, police arrested Furio in connection with the murder of a mugger by the name of SAMMY JACKSON. Police confiscated his gun and he was unarmed at the time of the attempt on his life. Furio was rushed to the hospital to have the bullet removed from his shoulder and the operation was deemed a success. The doctors have said he will make a full recovery but he has been ordered to rest. It has been reported since then that whilst recuperating from wounds sustained he has regained possession of his weapon. The would-be killer, known as Matlab went into hiding but was gunned down three hours after the attack after re-emerging. Three members of the Chido Family surrounded and killed Matlab at 8:39PM. So far there have been no indications as to why this individual attempted to kill Furio. If anyone has any information, please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of the Gazette or your local police station. 'UNSEEN WAR ' The streets look quiet but behind the scenes a war is raging. More and more corpses fill the morgues and the cement factories are now giving overtime to their worker as demand for the product has soared. It is unknown how many groups are involved in this back street war, but it is certain that The Priesthood are involved, as well as at least two other groups with possibly more in the shadows. It appears that The Priesthood may be facing several attackers all at once, and it has been speculated that this has more to do with poor leadership and an unruly crew than any other reason. While this war rages behind closed doors, we at the newspaper will bring you whatever we can on the progress as it happens. 'DEAFENING SILENCE PLAGUES THE CITIES ' By: Kylara Recently the cities have seen a decline in public appearances by those that used to call the Streets their home. Many theories have come up in discussions between Gazette staff but no concrete conclusions have been drawn to date. Some say that it is fear that drives the once proud speakers into the darkness of the shadowed alleys, others say it is a growing apathy the families of those once loud and boisterous are feeling. One reporter has come to the conclusion that alien cows are going around snatching the voices that were once treasured in the middle of the night. Storing them in their spaceships waiting for a time that they may be put to use again. In a world that is supposed to center around public speeches, rants, declarations of war, and even congratulatory celebrations in honour of one’s successes it has become eerily quiet. Could it be the casino’s are occupying many budding Mafioso’s time? The fact that generations are limited in their spawning of children to carry on their names? Is it more likely the fact that people are just sitting back, complacency and laziness ruling their lives and turning them into “couch potato” criminals? 'OOCITIS OUTMATCHED BY CAT-GOT-YOUR-TONGUEITIS ' By Kylara A new virus has hit our cities with the force of a mighty hurricane. Cat-got-your-tongueitis is spreading with voracity unseen before. A physician monitoring the threat of Cat-got-your-tongueitis says a key question is whether the strain of Cat-got-your-tongueitis in America has mutated into a virus that could result in a human pandemic. Dr. Dino Ricchochet, author of "False Alarm: The Truth About the Silence," said it's likely that such a pandemic could occur very soon. The first case of Cat-got-your-tongueitis Strain 3261B spreading from a Citizen to a Hoodlum was recorded in Chicago during a 1927 outbreak of the virus, according to the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta, Georgia. Ricchochet said there are still many unanswered questions regarding whether this strain of Cat-got-your-tongueitis could be a pandemic trigger. "If it does mutate, we don't know for sure what we will do," he said. In addition to Chicago, unspecified strains of Cat-got-your-tongueitis have been detected or suspected among Thugs and Hoodlums in Los Angeles, Miami, New York and Las Vegas. Because Cat-got-your-tongueitis viruses are constantly changing, health officials warn that they could adapt over time to infect and spread among ranks above Made Man should any ever emerge from our war-torn streets. Since December 1930, the 3261B strain of Cat-got-your-tongeitis has turned up in at least 100 American cities, infecting more than 2000 people, causing permanent loss of voice in at least 600 of them. It is believed to have spread when Hoodlums came in contact with an infected Citizen or a contaminated discussion, according to the CDC. Hoodlum-to-Hoodlum spread of the virus is extremely common and has continued beyond one other person to entire families, the CDC said. On September 19 the American Health Organization warned that a Cat-got-your-tongueitis pandemic among Gangsters was "imminent" and urged all cities to make preparations for battling an outbreak. U.S. health officials are drafting preliminary plans to deal with a possible outbreak. Ricchochet, an associate professor at Chicago University School of Medicine, said the world health community must improve vaccine mass production. Current manufacturing technology is about 50 years old and involves creating vaccines in fertilized turtle eggs. "We can use genetic engineering and get a vaccine very quickly, but we are busy using the old turtle-egg medium which takes three to six years to make a vaccine," he said. "I think we need to upgrade our ability to make vaccines quickly but today’s science and the lack of financial means due to The Depression and prohibition." A virus strain might mutate again before vaccines can be manufactured and quickly could be obsolete. "If we stockpile vaccine against a bug that doesn't affect us directly we may end up having to discard it," Ricchochet said. U.S. Secretary of Health and Human Services Michael Looseterton said Tuesday the country is "sadly unprepared" to respond to a pandemic. In addition to techniques and time factors involved, commercial manufacture of vaccines often isn't profitable, Ricchochet said, and "it's hard to get the manufacturers excited about it." On Friday, White House officials met with representatives of the U.S. pharmaceutical industry to encourage them to get involved in the manufacture of the vaccine. While the world needs to prepare for a worst-case scenario, Ricchochet said, it's important not to create panic about the threat of Cat-got-your-tongueitis. "We're wise to be prepared, but we are not wise if we worry unnecessarily about something that may not happen here," he said. Researchers announced Wednesday that they had reconstructed the 1927 strain of virus virus, a major advancement that could speed up preparation for and potentially prevent a pandemic. 'SPORTS NEWS ' News has come through of a horse for the first time making more than 20k for it's owner. Famous Flyer, owned by JohnDavidson2, won Race-17745 on Oct 16 at 4:30.01 PM Paying $21,652. Many other horses have paid out over 10k, but this is the first time it is known to have been so high. JohnDavidson2 said "I'm absolutely thrilled, I did pay a good price for her and thought I would have to make a loss, but hopefully she'll continue with this form. The stable staff are really happy that all their hard work has paid off. 'ANNOUNCEMENTS ' WEDDING On Monday 17th October at The Little Chapel, Las Vegas, BlondeBabe to TheHonourableHunter. The service was taken by RememberTheRong. The bride wore a long white silk dress, with the groom wearing a black silk suit. They had a short honeymoon and have now returned to work, with the groom back at his jail breaking after a very successful run. 'OBITUARIES ' Oct 18th 3:13PM till Oct 19th 12:11PM 14 gangsters 2 goombas 3 streetbosses 1 earner 1 bodyguard Oct 18th 3:53PM FCUM Street Boss Funeral An empty funeral bar a few hecklers not content at the death of the man they felt they had to slander him at his funeral too. -Oct 18th 9:57PM Aurelius Street Boss Funeral One of the most popular men on the streets, among his last words he said, Alas, Rome shall not return and will be buried with the heroes who tried to bring it back. Tiberius A true loss to the Empire, Friend Aurelius, your life will be celebrated for hundreds of years. ::Places a gold coin in your mouth for the ferry man:: Pure_Scouse Today is a sad day indeed the passing of a true friend and hero of this community...RIP my friend your death shall not be in vain -Oct 18th 8:37PM Paulo_Antonio_Vaccarelli Street Boss Funeral A popular man who was heard on his deathbed saying Well now, I hope the Priesthood is happy now. I find it quite interesting that they would want me dead, but not be willing to offer an explanation as to why. Oh well, guess it doesn't matter now. Calliope_Dartagnan *She sobs and leans against the headstone.* Sweet Paulo...I don't know why, but I vow I will find out what caused this to come to pass...no matter what it takes. *She takes a small stiletto out of her coat and slices open her thumb, then presses the bloody digit to the headstone.* That is my vow, sealed in blood Paulo. I will find out. Lucrezia Paulo you did not deserve, you dedicate yourself to your family and conduct yourself with integrity and honour, not many people can say the same. You will be missed, with love. *lays a single white rose between your hand, she wipes the tears as she lowers her head kissing your cheek and whispering goodnight in your ear in the hope that you can hear her* -Oct 18th 9:24PM TyroneWilliamsJr Earner Funeral Aurelius RIP my dear friend... we shall honour your legacy always There are still many deaths happening on our streets as we speak and the total death toll for the past 24 hours alone has been 126 lives, but on a healthier note there has been the joyous occasion of 124 births in the past 24 hours, so in the terms of population our streets are doing well. 'LETTERS PAGE ' A Public Plea Too long, have these gang wars continued, I believe I know where it all started, the killing of a made man, and now tempers flare at the slightest nudge. Sorry, I haven’t introduced myself; I’m Fisk, self-proclaimed peacekeeper. An example of this “Peace keeping” you ask? Well Shortly before MadSkillz left to find better things, probably outside of these United States, I spoke to him concerning the UN and 1041. After a long-winded convocation, he seemed to just give up and leave. My predecessor was killed for being part of a group called Neu Mafia Order, my first crew; he re-joined them after loosing a shed load of cash on Blackjack. But shortly after showing his respect for this gang he was attacked, by multiple members of a group remaining unnamed. In my opinion, life is precious, people shouldn’t just go killing members of a rival family, just because they are in that family. That killing was like that of killing a new born, helpless, defenceless child, only just born into a family. Now respect should be due were respect is due, some of the larger crews in these cities are to big and organised to be bickering like we do with one another, we need to rise above this, otherwise there is just going to be an endless cycle of killing, and nobody is going to progress. I still respect everyone, I hold no grudges and wish that the larger crews can move to another level, and allow the smaller families to bicker, then one day, when those smaller families come after you, you’ll be glad you can call on those allies that you made when this article was published. Thank you all, and take it easy. Fisky 21:02, January 5, 2013 (UTC)21:02, January 5, 2013 (UTC)21:02, January 5, 2013 (UTC)Hice19 (talk) 21:02, January 5, 2013 (UTC) Dear Carmela, I am back. I took a little break, but I did promise you a Grade A+ rant sometime in the future...Well the future is here. Now, I've had a bottle of wine, and maybe some vodka. At this point I can’t remember but this rant must go on. What is the deal with Grudges? Now... My family line has had quite a few held against them over the years. And each one seemed more retarded than the last. So now, Rivalry can be good, and interesting. But when you sit there and try the hardest you can to erase someone’s family line forever, and over and over don't you ever think to yourself, "Is it worth it? What am I actually gaining from this?" Sure, Maybe a better gun, or a small bit of satisfaction that you did it. But COME ON!!!! Do you even know what it was started over? Do you even know what the point is? Or are you fuelled by nothing more than the burning knowledge that somewhere, in your history this person did something to piss you off? See, that’s what I don't understand. A few generations, I can see. But the constant, "hey! Lets shoot so and so because 75403854 months ago he/she did this!" That just doesn’t seem that exciting to me. Now, I have a HUGE family tree just because my mother was a loud mouth bitch, and HEY! Whaddya know, its a genetic trait! But still, at some point in time we stopped getting killed off. And what to know why? Because people forgot why they wanted to kill me, OR maybe it was because someone in my line told them, point blank that It wasn’t going to do anything, other than fuel them on. Every time you kill a family line, they want revenge, they want justice Or maybe they are like us...and just want to annoy and taunt you more to the point where you just feel like shooting yourself. But, I digress. Point being Grudges are stupid and pointless. Get over it, it's not worth it on any level what so ever. NONE. Grow up, move on. Love always and forever, Cooter J. Poo 'WE HEAR THAT… ' Gossip column by: Trixie .... DiamondJim is back and to cause some terror, or so we hope. .... Tie is still whining, and yet, no money. for shame. The newest thing about Tie is that we only keep him around to insult, and that he doesn’t spit. Please take that bit of news in the dirtiest way you can. .... Grinch actually has a heart. He was seen outside the Pink Badger petting a stray dog and babbling on about how he has to go visit a homeless shelter and donate money and food. Good for you Grinch, good for you. .....Randle-McMurphy was seen leaving Miguel's apartment early this morning. Shortly after MST followed. Was this a meeting of the funniest our streets have to offer? Or just a super gay three some? You tell me. 'CLASSIFIEDS ' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. 'NEWSPAPER RECRUITING ' The Mafia Gazette is on the hunt for freelance journalists to join the team. Any who wish to write for the community’s newspaper will be welcomed. The job entails writing articles for the Gazette to be published in the next available issue. Writers should be prepared to submit at least one article every two weeks conforming to the guidelines below. 1. No stories/columns permitted that do not conform to the already established format of the stories. 2. No derogatory or defamatory stories/columns/letters are to be published and no vulgarity or crass language 3. All stories/columns must be confirmed as factual as the research allows. Nothing is to be confirmed/denied unless there is solid proof. 4. The editor in chief reserves the right to alter/amend any articles for content/length and all stories/columns/letters should be submitted to the Editor by 10am on the day of publishing to ensure proper editing is allowed. 'SUBMISSIONS TO THE NEWSPAPER ' We still accept submissions as long as they conform to the above guidelines. Contributions to your paper have always been welcomed, although the newspaper does not deal with fictional work, like short stories or poetry. Any other news, reviews, points to be raised or just general observations on a situation will be welcomed and collated into the newspaper. People are welcome to write in to the newspaper as well, giving their opinions on any articles that are published. Praise or constructive criticism only for these, as anything that does not conform to the above guidelines will not be printed. Please use your paper and have your voice. Should people wish to submit their own articles for publication, these will be gratefully received. All author’s names will be included with any submissions unless requested otherwise and articles will be paid for or money saved for later collection. 'Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines above. ' http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=53